Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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