i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
