I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
