I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
