We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
What drink are we having for lunch?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
