That's intense
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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