I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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