you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
