I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
