our cab driver is having phone sex.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
