I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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