You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
