i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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