only if we run a train.
done.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
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I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
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You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
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