i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
