Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Randomize
