you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
