my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
