why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
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She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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