i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
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Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
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It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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