1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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