So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
