That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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