wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
