She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Randomize
