his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
we're making bets on your personal life
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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