I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
