A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize