I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
