Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
