Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize