What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I touched a dick in church today
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
