how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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