And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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