saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Shame - the story of my life.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
