i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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