I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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