look no pants
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
