So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
