im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
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i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
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I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I had to cum in my sink.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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