Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
