I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
