Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
