I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
