Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
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