If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Randomize
