Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
