At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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