We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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