wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
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dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
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In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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