All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
