Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
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