Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
