I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I just want to make out with him forever
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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