I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
she peed on how many people?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
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