we have pet lesbian snakes
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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