she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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