hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
