So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize