so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
