What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
