I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
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im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
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