Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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