i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
