Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
You are the jesus of drinking
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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